This post was inspired by a post by mediocre mum on a similar-ish topic, as well as conversations i've had with other mother's at mini-me's nursery and just conversations in general that tend to go like this...
Her: How old is mini-me?
Me: She'll be 4 in September
Her: Gosh, when are you having another one?
Me: I'm not
Her: So she'll be an only child? Cue worried, frowny look, followed by pitying look in mini-me's direction
Me - racking brain for reason: Well she has loads of cousins and my family are really close
Her: Hmmmmm, but that's not the same as a sibling, are you sure you wouldn't change your mind when you get older. Cue patronising head leant to the side, eyebrow raised semi smile.
Errrrrrrr!! No!!!
Why am I made to feel I have to defend my decision to only have 1 child? There's barely enough space in the world as it is. Am I not helping out the general population as well as the over-crowded school situation by only having 1 child?! (The Chinese would reward me, for making this decision on my own merit!)
And. Most importantly. I. Only. Want. One. Child.
When did it become obligatory to heave a foetus about for 9 months on more then 1 occasion??
Don't get me wrong, some people thrive on having and looking after children. Some people love being mothers and having little people to run after. Some people have child, after child, after child and are devoted in their after school activity run, the tumble tots, the expressing of breast milk, the NCT meetings, the school fairs and general motherly duty things. I. Am. Not. That. Person. And I shouldn't be made to feel guilty about it.
I know my limitations. I know that I will still enjoy my life and be balanced enough to enjoy my child. I know that I will not be that mother pulling her hair out because the children are competing for attention. I know that I will not be that mother secretly stashing wine in the desk at work. I know that I will not be that mother crying in a cupboard because the children are driving me crazy. I know that with one child, my crazy will stay safely locked away and the people in my head will remain, in my head.
I love mini-me. I would do anything for her. I do, do anything for her. I give her the best that I can give and love her unconditionally. I love time spent with her. And I love time spent without her. I love that I can go away without her and leave her with grandparents, godparents, uncles and aunts. I love that I can take her away for 2 week holidays and not be stressed to the very core of my being. I love that I can still fill my wardrobe with shoes and clothes and have extravagant nights out. I love my life with my 1 child. Call me selfish if you like, but I'm happy and she's happy and I am not apologising anymore.
well, here's the thing, society has this overindulgent, Cosby family ideal in their head, you know, 2 and a half kids, white picket fence, dog named Alfie, 2 cars, one of course a station wagon etc etc...
ReplyDeletei think what a lot of people fail to understand is that when someone (you) is independent from societies norms, there is no stopping them, that you can live your happy life without adhering to the rules which they have succumb to, hence why they don't know how to deal with it, so they greet it with confusion and scepticism.
you and mini-you keep doing your thing, what Soccer Mom thinks is more her problem than it is yours.
I'm having that discussion with myself at the moment. I don't think everyone needs to have more than one. I'm happy with one but contemplating a 2nd for Madame's sake. My hubby is an only child and he really doesn't want her to be one.
ReplyDeleteCheers,
mediocremum.com
Let me say I truly believe the decision is yours and do not judge anyone for what they do with their lives and from reading this I can see having your one child makes you really happy and offers balance.
ReplyDeleteI suppose the arguments for having more than one chilmd are for the child to always have someone to be close to, to have a family member who is of similar age to them and ensure they are not spoilt but I expect you have heard those things thousands of times and that means you will be very conscious of them.
I have a friend with a single child through choice and the child is now 12 and for the last 6 or so years she has literally cried that she would of loved a sibling and because the Mum feels that is her fault and feels guilty she completely spoils her. It is a shame as she is a fab mum and has no need to feel guilty.
Mich x
I think it's great that you're happy and confident in your choice. Lots of mothers bow to pressure from family and/or culture. In future I think you should just tell the truth: that you only ever wanted one child and change the subject.
ReplyDeletePeople generally like to pass judgement so best not to give them a chance and steer them off?
Are these people going to carry your mythical second child? Parent it? I've always wanted (and have) two children. However, I have friends that have always wanted three or four. Some only have one. I really couldn't care less.
ReplyDeleteIt's your choice. Full stop.
I wanted one more and ended up with two hahahahah - now I wish on really dark and desperate days I should have kept to just one. But I love them all - I really can't comment as s twin myself as I don't know what it was like growing up solo. Stick to your guns people are nosey so and so's. Even if you had two girls people will ask will you try again for a boy so you cannot win.
ReplyDeleteHi there,
ReplyDeletejust stumbled on your blog via BMBloggers, and read this post. I agree with couturecoco, you've got the right to decide what you want to do, and you shouldn't feel that you have to make excuses. Although, what if you replied to judgemental mummy by bursting into tears and saying you'd love to but just can't, and insensitive people just keep bringing it up - that would stop her in her tracks! Good luck to you. Just clicked on follow, look forward to reading more. Check me out at www.mama-andmore.com Take care xx
Gosh, I'm amazed that anyone would think it was any of their business to comment. Your body, your family, your decision. That's all there is to it eh.
ReplyDelete