I Don't Care!!

Today I had a convo with a friend that went something like this:

Him: Do u like my shorts?
Me: Not particularly
Him: Why not? What's wrong with them?
Me: I just don't like them
Him: Well I really like them
Me: That's good as they're yours
Him: Fine then, just so you know I hate those flowery shoes that you always wear
Me: Ok
Him: Actually I hate all your shoes
Me: That's fine, I like them and to be fair I don't care if you like them or not.
Him: Storms off muttering under his breath

What the hell!!!

Was I wrong to admit I didn't like his shorts? Should I just have said yes to placate him? But most of all... Why did he care so much?? He supposedly bought the shorts because he liked them, so why be so concerned with someone else's opinion?

Why do people always seek approval from others?

I am often told "don't like your shoes/top/hair etc..." Am I bothered?? Errr... Nah

I saw them, I liked them, I bought them, I done my hair (or not as the case often is) and I like it... And even more then all of that is the fact that I couldn't care any less than I actually do about what anybody else may or may not think. As long as I am happy with it and comfortable enough to wear it then it's a go.

I've been called eccentric, left, kooky, kitsch and a plethora of other terms that pretty much amount to me being slightly strange or weird, but i'm happy with me and in the long run that's all that matters isn't it??

Or am I wrong? Should I be seeking to please others with my hair, clothing, shoe choices??

Looking at dresses...

"Mummy, can I look at dresses on your computer?"
*Cue: Heart stopping, light headedness, sweats and shivers*

Oh. My. Actual. Gosh!! I have contaminated the baby... I've broken her... Stolen her innocence and forced her into early consumerism!! I've prematurely aged the baby. Is there some kind of rehab style place that I could take her to? With wooden toys and metal bikes and torn books. The childhood playgrounds of yore, before the age of the Internet. Although, to be fair she'd probably spend the whole time asking if they had an iPhone she could play with. I need to release her from the shackles I have forced upon her (overkill? maybe too much, huh?). To reacquaint her with 3 year old past-times like reading and skipping and running. Maybe I should stop ignoring her in favour of sitting at my computer "looking at dresses" (I don't really do this, I wait til she's sleeping to fully indulge with no interruptions - lol). But mainly I need to have a word with myself.

I have tried to rein it in. Keep it in check. Limit the time spent "looking at dresses on my computer". Set a budget that I must stick to. But something always comes up... A wedding. Ascot. A sale. The Polo. Sunshine. The possibility of rain. The possibility of snow. Someone's birthday. A day spent at the common. A barbecue. Work. MONDAY.

Any. Possible. Reason. And i'm online. Buying things.

My inbox is full of unopened emails stating 'Your eBay bid has been confirmed' or 'You have won this eBay item' or 'Order confirmation' or 'Receipt for your payment' or my all time favourite 'Your item has been despatched'. Which always has perfect parcels in plastic bags or brown paper or jiffy bags or envelopes or boxes following closely behind...

OMG! OMG! OMG! I promised I would stop. I promised myself I would stop. I also promised myself I would eat 5 fruit a day... Suprise, suprise I failed that too!! So far this 2nd quarter of the year i'm doing really well in not keeping promises to myself... Nice one. Go Me!! I am however, staying on top of deadlines at work. Whooptidoo!! (sense the sarcasm).

When asked about TV shows, I know nothing. When asked about films, I know nothing. Books, nothing. It was suggested to me that “online shopping” has become my hobby. My pastime. The thing I do to unwind at the end of the day when 'normal folk' are engrossed in Eastenders, Coronation Street and the like.

It was fine when it was just me. Ok, it wasn't fine, but it was just me and my issues. But my innocent soon to be 4 year old, not quite 3 ft in height, can use the computer and the iPhone, likes to read and run little girl that finally got her much coveted Lelli Kelly's, has now been dragged into the equation. Not quite kicking and screaming, but i'm sure she'd have preferred to do other things given half the chance, had her mother not been fully consumed by the consumerist monster that is the world of "ONLINE SHOPPING". I need a serious intervention... I tried. I failed. I need someone to step in and take charge. One of those reality TV show documentary type things. Where the financial/lifestyle/overhaul consultant comes and looks at your bank balance and your spending habits and then gives you £10 a week and one change of clothes to live on, so you see that you've been unnecessarily frivolous your whole life. And that having one pair of shoes and a suit is perfectly acceptable *having... trouble... breathing...* Anyone out there fancy the task?? Anyone?? Please?? Help!

Maybe I’ll just hand my bankcards in. Or disable my internet connection.

*side-note* While writing this post I received an email from Irregular Choice informing me that a shoe I wanted was back in stock

Get outta here...

So the other day I received a message via Twitter, to say my blog had been "nominated" for an award. I honestly thought it was a joke... I've only been blogging since January, don't have that many followers, and really just started cos some days it actually feels like people are running around in my head. Unlike some of the religious bloggers that I follow I don't blog everyday, only when my head is so full of randoms that I need to release them, lol. So I was absolutely taken aback when I received the "official" email. This post about my all consuming shopping addiction. is the reason I was nominated, so I guess I have eBay and my addictive personality to thank, as well as the guys over at www.gurgle.com.

Ish-Shoes... My favourites of the moment

I was tagged, exactly a month ago *hides face in shame at time it's taken to respond* by the lovely teawithonesugar to share 7 pairs of my favourite shoes. Almost as hard as choosing my favourite songs, which I agonised over for days, but i've narrowed it down to my favourite shoes of the moment... Still not easy, but easier-ish. Lol

I don't think there's any order as such, and I was being really lazy, so some are photos I actually took on my trusty BB (picture quality, sadly better then my iphone) and others are images i've stolen off the internet :-/

So here goes....


Winter Boots by Kickers..
No-one believes these are Kickers, I guess they're not really in the style you expect from them. I have only very recently put these back in the cupboard, quite upsetting considering it's mid-June. I love them, have had them for about 5 years and always get asked where they're from... I love them even more because they are the only pair in this colourway, I know this because I painstakingly dyed them with a bottle of brown dye and an old toothbrush. They were totally beige before and for some reason seemed to glow in the dark... Lol

Military Boots by River Island
These boots have replaced the ones above, and are perfect in this bi-polar spring/summer/not-sure what's going on weather. Fine for not so warm days, fine for rainy days, fine with jeans or with a dress and I know they'll be my festival staple (I must be the only person that doesn't own wellies)...


Peep-toes by H&M
I initially bought the leopard print ones for my trip to Dubai last month. They were so comfy and versatile (can be worn with or without tights, and to work or to the park) that when I came back I bought them in all the colours available. They probably won't last me 5 years like my boots above, but at £8 I can't really complain and they'll do fine for the "summer"...


Rifts by Nike
These are my "weekend" trainer, going to the park, anytime, lazing about, converse, but not actually converse type trainer. You've probably noticed a trend in me buying the same shoe in various colours, one more below - lol. When I first got these I was ridiculed (it was 1999) but now everyone is wearing them. They are so easy comfy and can be chucked in the washing machine. The socks are an absolute nightmare though and I do not recommend them...


Ballerina style shoe by Office
I initially bought the red ones, when I was at University, they were really expensive at the time £45 and I remember having my last £50 and having to have those shoes (I think a phonebill was neglected that month). I remember going back for the black ones a few months later at the expensive of some other boring utility - lol...


Blue patent brogues by ASOS
I bought these last year in the ASOS sale for £12 and I love them. I have been told "they are very you, but I couldn't get away with them" I absolutely love them and people are constantly staring at my feet when I wear them. Especially as I tend to roll my trousers up, just to make sure they are displayed to their full...

Abigail by Irregular Choice
These shoes I fell in love with at first sight. Shoes that must be worn with a skirt or rolled up trousers, so as not to dull the shine. I have also been told of these "I couldn't wear them, but they suit you"... Beginning to wonder what that actually means, I hear it quite a lot. I had to show the soles as well, as I think they are fabulous :-) I have noticed that this is the only pair of heels, this is by no means a reflection of my collection as I have loads. Even though at 5ft 9" I don't really need to be an taller...





I'm a bit of a wall flower really, could think of nothing worse then being centre of attention, but love for my shoes to be centre stage :-)

The Ending...

I woke up feeling even more random then usual and strangely out of sorts today...
This has been rattling round in my head...

"It feels like something has ended
But I have no idea what it is
I woke with a feeling of change
Of something that I had somehow missed

The end of something has happened
But i'm not sure what or why
It happenend while I was sleeping
And i'm left with the urge to cry

Maybe today's an anniversary
Of events long past and forgotten
A memory laying dormant within me
A friend that was not recalled often

Today I feel like something ended
Within me I felt a 'goodbye'
I still do not know what it was
And I still fight the urge to cry"

Me

The Mummy Grudge... Part 2

It's a shame there is a part 2 to this post... Did I really expect change while I was at work?? Errr... Not really, but I also didn't expect to be writing a second behaviour related post so soon…

I have just had the worst car ride ever… The will power I have exerted is certainly worthy of some kind of humanitarian award, but that is not the issue here. So, everything was ok, until we left the nursery. Usually, we would go the shop opposite the nursery and get a magazine, milky bar buttons, fruit flakes or the like, which would be eaten in the car.

Today I explained in my best ‘bending down to her level, using super nanny style voice’ that we wouldn’t be going to the shop today as she had been exceptionally naughty this morning and that if she is as exceptionally good as she was naughty then there was the possibility that we could go to the shop tomorrow after nursery… Cue Dr Hyde, bursting forth from his clothes and jumping around Incredible Hulk style… I resisted the urge to throw her over my shoulder fireman style and leg it to the car, to save face in front of all the strangers, obliviously walking past. I once again donned the ‘bending down to her level, using super nanny style voice’ and explained that this behaviour would get her nowhere and is in fact lessening her chances of going to the shop tomorrow... To absolutely no avail… I ignored… She shouted… I ignored… She screamed… I ignored… She wailed… I walked away… She shouted “I want to hold your hand” while screaming, wailing and dragging her scooter behind her… EPIC!

I ignored (will power at seriously low levels), stayed 2 steps ahead of the wailing, screaming, scooter dragging Hyde style Hulk character pursuing me and pretended I didn’t notice the pitying looks of the Estate Agents and Bankers stepping out of my way. She was still shouting “I want to hold your hand” while holding my hand to cross the road, she continued to shout it, while holding my hand all the way through the car park to the car...

Cue continuation of tantrum, also known as Phase 2.
Me: “Please get in the car” Mini-me: “No”
So I walk to a point at the other side of the car where she can’t see me, but I can see her. I’m pretty sure at this point that she was still shouting “I want to hold your hand.” I ignore her, not sure how long passes, but it seemed like days. Eventually she said that she couldn’t get in the car, she seemed to be calming down so I lift her in and put her seat belt on.

Cue phase 3:
Mini-me “I want my chair up”
Me: “I can’t do it right now as we’re driving, you’ll have to wait until we stop” cue tears…
Gut wrenching ‘I just fell over and broke my leg style tears’ the kind of tears that make you stop what you’re doing and run to see what has happened… The kind of tears that are very distracting while trying to navigate a 4 lane roundabout in rush hour.
Me: (still donning my super nanny style 'all is calm' exterior while internally thinking WHY ME!!) “If you stop crying for a second and listen to me…”
Mini-me: “I can’t stop crying, you’re making me cry”
WOW! What do you say to this? From a 3 year old? Absolutely no idea. So, I said nothing… For the 10 minute journey that seemed like hours, I said nothing… To the “Mama, mama, mama” spoken in a hoarse voice through the never ending tears, I said nothing… To the screaming “I want my chair up”, I said nothing… Through the kicking of my dashboard, I said nothing…

And while I brushed her teeth, changed her clothes and put her to bed, I said nothing…

Let’s see what tomorrow holds… For now I shall drink wine and eat Haagen Dazs in blissful silence.

The Mummy Grudge

This is the first post I've written on the go, via my fabulous iPhone, so font, font colour, text alignment and all the other stuff that is usually so important to me will have to be overlooked... It is also the first post I've written about being a Mum, so 2 firsts in 1 post, but I digress....

Mini-me has turned into a mini-monster. There was no warning, and as she is 3 I figured I'd safely made it through the "tantrum phase" usually equated with 2 year olds. That is not the case. She has becoming a raging, shouting, screaming, foot stamping, hitting, body throwing, Incredible Hulk style maniac and I am at a total loss. I have been advised by seasoned mothers and her teachers at nursery to ignore, which is fine sometimes, but at 8.42 on a Tuesday morning when you're getting ready to go to work and have to drop her at nursery first and she starts raging because she doesn't want to brush her teeth... Ignoring is definitely not an option... As was the case this morning... She has become a character that I can only liken to Jekyll and Hyde, in the space of seconds she is enraged, over something that yesterday hadn't posed a problem. There is no rhyme or reason to it. But, worse still is my reaction...

It is fine if ignoring her is an option, I'll just leave her wherever she has become the incredible hulk type creature, until she calms down and comes and apologises. If, however I have to get her to behave in order to continue the course of my fabulously manic life, by the time she has come out the other side the roles have reversed.

I become what I can only describe as a sulky teenager, one who has been told they can't go out with their friends or has been grounded... For the next half hour I don't want to speak to her, I think of all the things I had considered buying for her and think about those shoes I was sacrificing in order to get them, the shoes become my priority... I decide to go out with friends at the weekend rather then suffer another trip to Gambado (would love to have an adult party there). I think of all the sacrifices I've made over the years and I am resentful.... And i feel so bad for thinking it... And it doesn't last and I never follow through, but I'm thinking it all the same :-(

Is this a normal reaction?? Please say Yes lol


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone