Monday, 11 October 2010

Unequal Opportunities

I tend to be quite a neutral person, in terms of most things, I have my opinion and will put it cross if need be but totally understand that everyone is different and what works for you may not work for me.

I can totally understand the traditional roles of wife cooking, cleaning, looking after children and husband being the provider and generally chilling. If that’s what works for you then I am not judging. In this sort of relationship everyone has their part to play and I guess it maintains a healthy balance.

I also get the not so traditional role reversal of wife being the main breadwinner and husband staying home. Again there is a balance and for some people it works.

My problem is this… I have come across such a situation recently that my “neutral” stance, is totally disbelieving of. It is a situation that is flabbergasting me on a regular basis, but also a situation that is really none of my business and it is definitely not my place to get involved. So I bring my ranting to you…

Let me introduce you to Mr & Mrs Anon...

Mr Anon is out of work and has been for sometime, so stays home. Mrs Anon goes to work and has a 2nd job to earn extra money. Now to me, when you as part of a relationship are not currently bringing in an income and your partner has to work a full day as well as occasional overtime and then come home and cook your dinner and tidy up after you, you are not contributing to the "partnership". Had this been a job, you'd be fired.

I get that maybe you are not feeling as “manly” as you should by not going to work, but do you not feel even less manly watching your other half put the bins out, or staying home while she carries the shopping bags alone, or moving your feet out of the way while she hoovers around you? I am astonished that someone who can pretty much be described as a “kept man” wouldn’t feel the need to lift a finger to help and even has the audacity more often then not to complain.

I don’t know, maybe I live in a fantasy world and this is totally acceptable, although I find it really hard to believe. There is one party in this supposed “relationship” that is holding everything together. If you are neither the working party, nor the housekeeping party then what is your contribution to the ”lifestyle balance” that most couples strive for?

If the roles were reversed I’m sure there’d be arguments and I’m tempted to start one myself, but as I said it isn’t my place and if she isn’t complaining I guess I shouldn’t be, but I just had to get that out of my system.

Rant over...


  1. Am commenting on phone at work, so this will not be as ranty as I would like, but WTF!!?

  2. That's a hot mess of a situation... he's 'progressive' enough for his wife to be the main breadwinner but not 'progressive' enough to do housework??? I (obviously) don't know the couple but I would lay odds that if his wife is not ok with this situation and this continues for a long period his wife will start making escape plans. Not necessarily for the short term but they will be there.

  3. oh wow.

    for any person, man or woman, with any sort of pride, they should be truly ashamed to be called a "partner" in this situation.

    In this case, this man needs to realise that if the tables were turned he'd most definitely not be happy to do half of what she does.

    personally, depending on how close to him and i were, i'd sit him down and have a word, not because it's "the right thing to do" but because no person should subject another to being their indirect slave.

    just my tuppence worth

  4. What a cop out! Some people are just happy to coast and lets others do the graft. Thank God I am not married ot one of those people!

    Mich x

  5. Anonymous20:25

    STop pussy footing around and trying to be nice. It is never acceptable for one half of the partnership to do everything and the other one to do fuck all. TEll that lazy bastard to get off his arse and pull his weight.
    Is that ranty enough for you ;<)


  6. Just remember that the Mrs. in that situation is the one who needs to voice her opinion.

    No one is in a situation that at some level is not serving them. She obviously has issues with herself that needs working through and until she decides to do that, nothing anyone else can say will help her.

    If she is a friend, support her by pointing out her positive traits to her and building up her self confidence that way. By pointing out the negatives she lives with will do the opposite of empowering her.

    In this situation you can say how you admire her work ethic, her energy, her resourcefulness.... whatever as long as it is positive.

    As for you and your feelings, remember this is her life and her journey. Sometimes you have to get to a low in order to springboard to heights.


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