Today one of my nearest and dearest quite innocently asked to borrow a pair of shoes...
Not a big deal, people do it all the time... Right?
She sent the request in a bb message and my automatic response was "of course, which ones?"
So why didn't I type that? I didn't type anything... I went into a state of panic and just stared at the message getting hotter and hotter, while my train of thought became more and more random and increasingly erratic.
Hundreds of 'what if's?' dive bombed me, accompanied by images of scuffed suede, red wine stains, shoe prints, broken heels, fraying laces and other such trauma. Things that were totally out of her control and could happen while I was out in said shoes, attacked my subconscious. A sense of fear and dread settled around me and it was all I could do not to burst into tears. I thought of reasons I couldn't lend them, athlete's foot, verucca's... None of which I have I hasten to add.
I became a tortured Gollum/Smeagol character... Battling it out with myself.
"She can borrow my shoes... Of course she can..."
"No she can't... She really can't..."
"Why can't she? They're just shoes"
"They're aren't just shoes... No way, no lending"
"Of course she can..."
"She can't, she really can't, I want to let her but I can't"
"It'll be fine she can borrow the shoes"
"No I can't do it, I can't lend her my shoes"
I readily lend clothing, money, car, even on occasion mini-me and had obviously thought shoe lending would come with the same ease... Obviously not... I began to run through other pairs of shoes and then other friends, to see if the fear was shoe or person specific. Turns out it isn't. It applies to all shoes and all people...
Remember Joey in Friends shouting "Joey doesn't share food!!"
Well it turns out that PURPLERAMBLINGS DOESN'T SHARE SHOES!!
Sorry.... I'm shame faced and embarrassed, but at least it's out there and everyone knows now...
But I can't be the only one can I? Do you panic over the thought of lending shoes to friends? Or do you hand them over without a second thought?
Oh well... Just another notch to be added to my crazy lady in purple belt, one step closer every day...