This post was inspired by a post by mediocre mum on a similar-ish topic, as well as conversations i've had with other mother's at mini-me's nursery and just conversations in general that tend to go like this...
Her: How old is mini-me?
Me: She'll be 4 in September
Her: Gosh, when are you having another one?
Me: I'm not
Her: So she'll be an only child? Cue worried, frowny look, followed by pitying look in mini-me's direction
Me - racking brain for reason: Well she has loads of cousins and my family are really close
Her: Hmmmmm, but that's not the same as a sibling, are you sure you wouldn't change your mind when you get older. Cue patronising head leant to the side, eyebrow raised semi smile.
Why am I made to feel I have to defend my decision to only have 1 child? There's barely enough space in the world as it is. Am I not helping out the general population as well as the over-crowded school situation by only having 1 child?! (The Chinese would reward me, for making this decision on my own merit!)
And. Most importantly. I. Only. Want. One. Child.
When did it become obligatory to heave a foetus about for 9 months on more then 1 occasion??
Don't get me wrong, some people thrive on having and looking after children. Some people love being mothers and having little people to run after. Some people have child, after child, after child and are devoted in their after school activity run, the tumble tots, the expressing of breast milk, the NCT meetings, the school fairs and general motherly duty things. I. Am. Not. That. Person. And I shouldn't be made to feel guilty about it.
I know my limitations. I know that I will still enjoy my life and be balanced enough to enjoy my child. I know that I will not be that mother pulling her hair out because the children are competing for attention. I know that I will not be that mother secretly stashing wine in the desk at work. I know that I will not be that mother crying in a cupboard because the children are driving me crazy. I know that with one child, my crazy will stay safely locked away and the people in my head will remain, in my head.
I love mini-me. I would do anything for her. I do, do anything for her. I give her the best that I can give and love her unconditionally. I love time spent with her. And I love time spent without her. I love that I can go away without her and leave her with grandparents, godparents, uncles and aunts. I love that I can take her away for 2 week holidays and not be stressed to the very core of my being. I love that I can still fill my wardrobe with shoes and clothes and have extravagant nights out. I love my life with my 1 child. Call me selfish if you like, but I'm happy and she's happy and I am not apologising anymore.