Confessions of a shopaholic...

I'm writing this while sitting on the floor in my very cluttered bedroom, while bidding frantically on a Topshop jacket on eBay... I have come to the realisation that I have issues... Or even ‘ish-shoes’... In regard to shopping... They have come to a head this week, well right now to be honest... As I sit looking at the laundry that is waiting to be put away, the shoes wondering why they have been discarded, millimetres away from their boxes - but not quite inside, emails that are waiting to be opened, toiletries looking for lids and projects waiting for completion... I realise that something must be done... By me... The past few evenings have been a whirlwind of neglected duties... Other then putting mini-me to sleep and eating (which has been done in front of the computer) I have done nothing but sit on my beautiful MacBook and trawl through website, after website of clothes shoes and bags.... HELP!!

Twitter has been unable to distract me, phone calls have gone unanswered, TV programmes unwatched, Haagen Dazs uneaten (this is what worries me the most), fingernails unpainted and hair un-brushed, as I sit in front of my laptop in a clothing, bag and shoe induced coma. I fall into bed weary and blurry eyed in the early hours of the morning. With the satisfying glow of accomplishment… A job well done. This is not normal... It can't be normal; do I have no self-control? Errrr...

Asos, Topshop, Warehouse, Office, Mango, Irregular Choice, All Saints, Zara and others that were found along the way, but none so addictive or all consuming as eBay... None so treacherous, perilous or hazardous as eBay... The high I get from bidding and winning on eBay must come a close second to gambling. I'm sure the ridiculously, excessive excitement I endure is similar to that of a hyperactive child. I am currently bidding on a jacket and I am tense, anxious, and slightly panicky as if performing naked on stage in front of thousands, with full knowledge that I can't sing or dance or even speak for that matter... HELP! This week I promised myself I would have early nights Mon-Weds as i'm out the rest of the week. To the best of my knowledge shopping online from the comfort of your bed (or in my case floor in corner beside bed) does not constitute an early night. Nor is it a normal way to spend 3 evenings. So I am making a call of action. An intervention if you like. For myself... They say admitting you have a problem is the first step right? Well i'm admitting it. To you. Hi. Yes, you. "I am PurpleRamblings and I have a problem". There I did it. I'll be back in a sec, just have to check the progress of my jacket... So, back to the intervention. If you've read my blog before you'll be aware of my challenges, if not check them out. I failed the 5 fruit a day one miserably by the way. But I digress. I challenge myself starting the 1st of May 2013 to no shopping… (Until the end of each month and then a budget will be set) Except food and toiletries.

No buying of shoes, bags, clothes, hairbands, earrings, cd's, iphone or blackberry cases, make-up, socks, dvd’s, anything... Nothing. Nada. Naught. Zilch. It shall be hard. I shall be tempted. I shall have withdrawal. I shall cry for ASOS and eBay. I shall talk myself into buying that thing that I must have and for some reason or other doesn't count and then I shall talk myself out of it. I shall give my debit/credit cards to a trusted third party. I shall avoid window-shopping. I shall be depressed. I shall once again find time to eat Haagen Dazs. I shall mourn the weekly parcels I will no longer receive. And I shall wait excitedly for the postman to deliver all the delicious parcels I have ordered the past three days and will be ordering until 30th April ☺

Looking at dresses...

"Mummy, can I look at dresses on your computer?"
*Cue: Heart stopping, light headedness, sweats and shivers*

Oh. My. Actual. Gosh!! I have contaminated the baby... I've broken her... Stolen her innocence and forced her into early consumerism!! I've prematurely aged the baby. Is there some kind of rehab style place that I could take her to? With wooden toys and metal bikes and torn books. The childhood playgrounds of yore, before the age of the Internet. Although, to be fair she'd probably spend the whole time asking if they had an iPhone she could play with. I need to release her from the shackles I have forced upon her (overkill? maybe too much, huh?). To reacquaint her with 3 year old past-times like reading and skipping and running. Maybe I should stop ignoring her in favour of sitting at my computer "looking at dresses" (I don't really do this, I wait til she's sleeping to fully indulge with no interruptions - lol). But mainly I need to have a word with myself.

I have tried to rein it in. Keep it in check. Limit the time spent "looking at dresses on my computer". Set a budget that I must stick to. But something always comes up... A wedding. Ascot. A sale. The Polo. Sunshine. The possibility of rain. The possibility of snow. Someone's birthday. A day spent at the common. A barbecue. Work. MONDAY.

Any. Possible. Reason. And i'm online. Buying things.

My inbox is full of unopened emails stating 'Your eBay bid has been confirmed' or 'You have won this eBay item' or 'Order confirmation' or 'Receipt for your payment' or my all time favourite 'Your item has been despatched'. Which always has perfect parcels in plastic bags or brown paper or jiffy bags or envelopes or boxes following closely behind...

OMG! OMG! OMG! I promised I would stop. I promised myself I would stop. I also promised myself I would eat 5 fruit a day... Suprise, suprise I failed that too!! So far this 2nd quarter of the year i'm doing really well in not keeping promises to myself... Nice one. Go Me!! I am however, staying on top of deadlines at work. Whooptidoo!! (sense the sarcasm).

When asked about TV shows, I know nothing. When asked about films, I know nothing. Books, nothing. It was suggested to me that “online shopping” has become my hobby. My pastime. The thing I do to unwind at the end of the day when 'normal folk' are engrossed in Eastenders, Coronation Street and the like.

It was fine when it was just me. Ok, it wasn't fine, but it was just me and my issues. But my innocent soon to be 4 year old, not quite 3 ft in height, can use the computer and the iPhone, likes to read and run little girl that finally got her much coveted Lelli Kelly's, has now been dragged into the equation. Not quite kicking and screaming, but i'm sure she'd have preferred to do other things given half the chance, had her mother not been fully consumed by the consumerist monster that is the world of "ONLINE SHOPPING". I need a serious intervention... I tried. I failed. I need someone to step in and take charge. One of those reality TV show documentary type things. Where the financial/lifestyle/overhaul consultant comes and looks at your bank balance and your spending habits and then gives you £10 a week and one change of clothes to live on, so you see that you've been unnecessarily frivolous your whole life. And that having one pair of shoes and a suit is perfectly acceptable *having... trouble... breathing...* Anyone out there fancy the task?? Anyone?? Please?? Help!

Maybe I’ll just hand my bankcards in. Or disable my internet connection.

*side-note* While writing this post I received an email from Irregular Choice informing me that a shoe I wanted was back in stock

I was doing so well :-(

Soooo....

Last week was interesting… I approached it with my new found respect for sweet things and with the intention of no longer over indulging and behaving like a crazed addict. And I was doing so well.... Until Friday. Let me give you a run down of the week...

Sunday - So Sunday was the first day. The reunion. The day that really should have been the blow out, where I went crazy and overindulged until I felt sick… but I didn’t. I fought the urge and I won. I received 15 mini rose and salted caramel flavoured cupcakes for Valentine’s Day from my absolute favourite bakery Crumbs and Doilies (so much better than Hummingbird) and ate only 6 (which probably constituted 2 full cupcakes). I did have my glorious, glorious Victoria sponge, but in terms of ‘blowing out’ I feel I was very restrained and adult about it.


Monday – I ate the remainder of my mini cupcakes. I went to dinner with friends and didn’t have dessert… Other then the past 3 weeks this is a first for me. I have even been known to have dessert before the main course or in place of the main course after a starter if I’m not feeling particularly hungry.

Tuesday - 1st day back in the office, breakfast was yoghurt and a granola bar, the people in Starbucks remain confused as to my neglect I’m sure they think their constant chitchat has forced me over to the dark side that is Café Nero. I ate a lot of fruit throughout the day and drank copious amounts of water, even resorting to eating a whole pack of softmints, not really sure why, but at the time it was satisfactory and of course there’s never anything wrong with minty fresh breath.
Wednesday – Back in the office, same boring breakfast with the addition of a smoothie which was quite nice, but still no pastries or donuts, it’s actually harder to avoid them now that I can have them, but in my quest to be somewhat normal I am avoiding falling back into old habits for as long as I possibly can… I had a Gu hot chocolate soufflé when I got home, which was very delicious, but not as satisfying as I expected it to be ☹

Thursday – My last day in the office for the week, croissant for breakfast… I can feel myself slipping, but it’s only a small slip. The orange and apple I bring in my bag make it back home with me as I have McD’s and a Banoffee pie from Eat – oh good gosh it was amazing!! I think I have lost the taste for chocolate, I have no desire to buy it when in shops and actually do not miss it that much…
Friday - The day it all went wrong!! Started the day with only a cup of tea in order to run mini-me to nursery and come back home to work… But realised when I was out I had errands to run, which took me past the bakery and the cake stall; the devil was out in full force!!! Decided I could treat myself as I’d been so good, and bought a pecan pie from the bakery, but then had to walk past the cake stall where they had almond tarts, which I thought I’d get and save til Saturday, but then the stupid man serving asked if I ‘wanted anything else’ as if he couldn’t see me drooling in the direction of the cupcakes… So I had a cupcake too and figured I’d eat it on Sunday. But of course I went home and ate all of them!! How very ridiculous and uncontrolled was that!! Total friggin relapse!!

So I have set new parameters to my new, behaving like a normal person in regard to dessertness and will only eat dessert when I go out to dinner (I guarantee I’ll find a way to eat out every night of the week) and at the weekend (which will probably constitute breakfast, lunch and dinner).
For lent I am giving up all sweets, except mints and bread... So far this week i’ve been the picture of perfect restraint and normalness… But it is only Monday…

And the saga goes on...

So... The challenge continues... The past few days of the 'No Dessert' challenge have been EXCRUTIATING!!!

Let me break it down for you. I do believe I have a somewhat addictive personality and am glad that the lure of drink & drugs never really appealed to me on any great level, as I have the capacity to embrace it whole hog and be that crack head on the corner, scratching, drinking strongbow, begging for pennies at 4am on a December morning wearing nowt but shorts and a vest. Luckily or not so luckily for me my addiction manifests itself in the form of the sweet deliciousness that is dessert.


In order to demonstrate just how ludicrous it can get I will take you back to the summer of 2009 where I tirelessly searched for and failed to find a limited edition Haagen Dazs flavour, before finally posting the search to Facebook where I was told it was stocked in Blockbuster video and Sainsburys local. So that's where I went, initially with no joy but eventually finding it on a day where I visited almost every Blockbuster and Sainsburys local in South London. Determination, I hear you say, until I tell you that at every shop that didn't have the flavour I wanted I bought another flavour instead... I ended up with a freezer full of Haagen Dazs, was about £35 lighter in pocket, had to take actual food out of the freezer to make space and the flavour I had searched so tirelessly for was not all I had hoped it would be... The next few days of Haagen Dazs combination sundae's and eating it for lunch, snacks and for dessert after the Haagen Dazs based dinner will always be one of my best memories though... Point made?? I think so.


The past few days have been strange I am definitely craving a dessert fix and am not sure if I can actually hold out, it's getting harder rather then easier as the days go by... In Asda while buying "Cheerios" I somehow found myself in the bread and cake aisle. A place I don't usually venture as Mr Kipling cakes in packets don't do it for me. The Battenburg's were whispering sweet nothings, the French fancies were being amorous and the Apple Pies and Bakewell slices were positively lecherous... I think I may have been sweating, but I was definitely feeling light headed and left Asda with nothing...

While searching for a coat of arms in a photo library I find myself trawling through hundreds of dessert images. I am sidetracked for 40 minutes looking at slick, professionally taken photo's that included 'Delicious chocolate pie filled with warm fluid chocolate mouse and decorated with mint and chocolate sprinkles' it looks like something out of Master Chef but is nowhere near as delicious looking or sounding as 'A mouth watering parfait of strawberries, blueberries and raspberries all nestled in a decadently sweet cloud of chilled whipped cream and dressed with a fresh mint leaf garnish' or 'A decadent dessert of sliced banana, caramel, and cinnamon. Vanilla ice cream is sandwiched in the middle, with a crispy banana slice on top', sounds pretty pornographic I am literally salivating and have wasted 40 minutes of my day daydreaming... Pfffff....

At 10.30 on Saturday morning, while my child is running around naked, I decide I must research cupcakes for my Mum as she is thinking of selling the cakes that she makes, which she should have done years ago... So, I ignore the naked child and spend the next hour drooling over cupcake makers and suppliers dreaming about the flavours and icing combinations that I would have... More time wasted...

At my cousins house for dinner I find myself neglecting conversation in favour of cookbooks, flicking straight to the desserts and sweets section. I choose the desserts i'll make when I complete my challenge (I never cook). I think about sourcing ingredients and who i'll invite to dinner parties (once again, I never cook). I think about new desserts i'll try in order to tantalise and stimulate my tastebuds... Creme brulee begins to sound delicious, as does bread and butter pudding, things I have never previously been a fan of. I am looking at restaurant menu's and deciding which dessert(s) i'll have when i go there. I currently have a list of about 50 places to visit.


I have lost my focus. Not eating dessert has got me thinking about dessert at every possible moment. Every task somehow leads me to a place of looking at, thinking about or dreaming about it. I am permanently sidetracked in a desert of hazy sugarlessness in search of my best friend, my companion, my partner. I feel like i'm having a long distance relationship and my other half is soon to return... 8 days, 192 hours, 11520 minutes and counting...